I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
