Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
