You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize