you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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