not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
