this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
