i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
