I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
