I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
