he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
40s are totally the cure
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
