I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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