Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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