She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
