I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Found the puke drawer
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You don't make any sense
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