I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
