$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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