Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
