is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the condom got lost in my hair
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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