Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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