I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
