im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
