dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
