I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
