So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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