Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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