I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
there is glitter all over my balls
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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