Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
