I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
In America we eat man semen.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize