I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
