I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
