I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think pants incapable of making pants work
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
