just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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