im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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