I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
