dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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