just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
