Nicole vs. Life
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize