in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
