you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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