So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
