I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize