hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
