im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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