I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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