chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
