My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
