He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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