...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
