ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
