physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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