See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Is it penis luge time yet?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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