You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
