why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize