Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
