okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
