she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This is not my ceiling
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
