pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
