I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
