I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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