We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
