he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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