hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is Oprah even human
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize