a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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