the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
3 2 1 whiskey
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
