I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize