Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
