Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
