But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
it's great music for shaving your balls
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
