Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
