We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
