he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
