I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
40s are totally the cure
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
