i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
