Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
